hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
