So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
