why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
