Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
