Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
