R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
