its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
