Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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