He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hippo gnu deer
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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