Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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