How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
