...so i touched it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
