You're completely useless in the revolution.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
