Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize