He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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