i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
