Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
