i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
