so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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