I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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