At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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