Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
