i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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