so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
