And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
