I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
