My hand turned me down
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
