You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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