Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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