remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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