I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
