I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
