My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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