Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
