I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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