You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
