Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
