never play flip cup with pint glasses
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
