I wish I could teleport
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
