there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
