And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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