wat bout pragnant strippers??
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
