in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
