Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
