i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
