I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
