my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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