So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
