I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
