this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My feet surprised me
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