11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
