I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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