I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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