in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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