What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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