i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
