I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
