my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
