how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Is it penis luge time yet?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
