I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize